The Courtesan Family



By Rene Kalbfuss - 1994



	"Well, Cookie, it's time to go to bed--do you want a bed-time Ù
story?" Grandma asked.



	"Grandma tell me what it was like in the old days, when they had Ù
just amputated your leg." Cookie asked.



	"I remember World War II, but I was too young to remember World Ù
War I. During the war and after the war there was a lot of money Ù
floating around, and we took advantage of the situation. There Ù
were a lot of European executives who were living in exile here. Ù
Corporation presidents or CEOs were a dime a dozen.



	"I used to lurch staggering on my crutches with one very high Ù
heeled shoe with a one inch platform and barely maintained my Ù
balance into the bar at the Plaza Hotel. I would wear a split Ù
skirt so that on occasion, my stump would show and I would shake Ù
it or wiggle it and give them my pathetic helpless look. I Ù
sometimes would deliberately lose my balance on my crutches, and Ù
fall,--my, did I get help right away. I never owned an artificial Ù
leg--nor did your mother, Liza--and when you turn 18, we hope you Ù
will have one of your legs amputated and join the family.



	"Anyhow, those CEO's would help me to my foot--seeing quite a Ù
glimpse of stump, and I would pout and complain, "Pity poor Ù
me--since I lost my leg I can't drink and stand,etc. Which would Ù
elicit the almost universal--Poor poor,--



	"Helen, Helen Mueller, which would get their names. They would Ù
buy me a drink and soon -- we would be off to our apartment, on Ù
Fifth Avenue.



	"We have always operated on a five men schedule--each man gets Ù
one day a week and we get Saturday and Sunday off. Frankly, I've Ù
always needed Saturday and Sunday to unwind and get to my various Ù
beauty salons. Did you say you wanted to hear some of the stories Ù
of when I was young and just had my leg amputated?" 



	"We have a family tradition to have one of our legs amputated the Ù
week after high school graduation and, of course we have our own Ù
doctors, so that this operation is always performed right here at Ù
the apartment. The operation is performed just with a local Ù
anesthetic and spinal block so that we can watch the whole operaÙ
tion. We always have one leg amputated about mid-thigh so that we Ù
can still walk on crutches. We don't want to be in wheelchairs do Ù
we?



	Ma was sitting there also. "Ma--did you ever run into any of your Ù
former classmates from high school?"



	"Yes, now that you mention it--I was very close to one of the ÙÉboys in my senior class--one time I ran into him at the Carnegie Ù
Delicatessen---and he was so surprised to see that I had lost a Ù
leg. I told him I had been run over by one of those aggressive Ù
Fifth Avenue buses. Poor me! and of course--he was so sorry to Ù
hear my story. I told him that I would probably get some sort of Ù
legal settlement so that I probably would never have to work. Ù
Cookie--is there a boy you're kind of close to?



	"Yes, but I know that it would interfere with our family tradiÙ
tion. You know, it is nice to have family traditions and roots. Ù
We've had this apartment forever--and most of the kids in my Ù
classes are only here for five years and then it's on to their Ù
parents, next assignment.



	"Ma, tell me again what it was like to turn 18."



	"Well--when I turned 18 and school was finished--we had the Ù
Doctor over for dinner the night before the big day, and he would Ù
do all his preliminaries. Like examine the leg and muscles, and Ù
check the ol' heart and lungs etc. We  had a big photo session Ù
with grand-ma and me wearing formal gowns, sport clothes, finishÙ
ing up with bathing suits and finally the nude shots. We always Ù
do it up right--after all how often does a debutante have her leg Ù
amputated. so we had a professional photographer in so that the Ù
photos would be of the best quality. We always like to show the Ù
photos of grandma and me to prospective clients so that they will Ù
see we come from quite a tradition.



	"Would you like to see the slides and color photos again??



	"You know--I never get tired of seeing them. I always talk to Ù
classmates in high school. There are so many divorces and there is Ù
so much pain--I really think our way is the best!!! I know who my Ù
father is and there is plenty of support money--but there is none Ù
of that old fashioned emotionalism--just comfort and humor and Ù
love within our own family.



	"I love to go to the museums and imagine that I was on crutches Ù
and that some poor guy came up and wanted desperately to come Ù
home with me. Well, it will happen in several months and I can Ù
HARDLY wait to go out on crutches my first time.







	- - -







	"That was some graduation--weren't you proud of granny and me on Ù
our crutches. A lot of men were there and their eyes sure bulged Ù
in some erotic curiosity didn't they???," my mother was so excitÙ
ed to see all those sheep in wolves clothing--did I get that Ù
right???



	"I winked at my mother, I can hardly wait til next week??" This Ù
was at the local ice cream parlor.







	---






É"We had quite a dinner which we called my "coming out party! Ù
While I was not a debutante--within several weeks or a month--I Ù
would have my coming out party. We would probably go out to eat Ù
at one of the better French restaurants--three women all on Ù
crutches. Three women--three legs--three shoes!!! Ah, let's get Ù
back to my coming out party. . .



	"It is so seldom that you have the heads of aerospace chemical Ù
and shipping all together at one party for an 18 year old. They Ù
were all here all the clients--they would be back in a month for Ù
my coming out on crutches. . .



	"Doctor Eldridge, Does everything seem ok?? My mother and grandÙ
mother asked.



	"Yep, We'll have a smooth operation and hopefully the recovery Ù
will go smoothly also. Like you all I can hardly wait--it is so Ù
seldom that I can get together with one of my former patients and Ù
have her offer me her daughter for the same operation --and Ù
everybody is eager for the amputation. Usually parents and the Ù
clients are so upset to lose a leg.



	"I have a funny story to tell you all--in the 19th century--there Ù
was a doctor who made a specialty of amputations--Lord knows Ù
there were so many more of them in that era. Anyhow, Dr. Butcher, Ù
that really was his name,  was super-fast and efficient. He was Ù
always striving to get faster and more efficient. Well one day he Ù
did his cutting, sawing and cauterizing in less than two minutes, Ù
but when he got all done he noticed that he had slipped with the Ù
scalpel and had actually cut off several of his own fingers in Ù
the rush. Well--we will take our time tomorrow and, Cookie, Ù
you'll see the whole thing.



	"Doctor, can you cut off the toes or foot and toes and put them Ù
in a pickling jar--I would like to have them as a souvenir!!!



	"Why sure, Cookie anything you want.--it will be my pleasure!!!



	"Now we are going to have our famous photo session--We already Ù
were dressed in our gowns so the first picture went very quickly. Ù
Then we retired to the bedroom to put on mini-dresses our little Ù
black dresses that showed off grandma's and mom's stumps. They Ù
came out of their bedrooms on crutches swinging those thigh-Ù
stumps back and forth just to watch the men get their hard-ons. Ù
still instantly after all those years. . . Now tomorrow--I'm Ù
going to hear the cutting-sawing and then in several weeks -- Ù
I'll learn to walk on crutches for real. Up until now--I had only Ù
played with them.



	The next morning I was up early--and did not get anything to eat Ù
or drink--actually the night before I was supposed to eat lightÙ
ly--if you went to a hospital--they would admit you the night Ù
before and no food, but since I was only getting a spinal they Ù
let me eat lightly.


É"Anyhow--I climbed into a dental chair and stretched out--first Ù
there was a local then the spinal--then they loaded my thigh with Ù
local anesthetics. After about 1/2 hour -- They were ready to Ù
start my very own first amputation. I had seen a video tape so Ù
that I knew exactly how they were going to cut and tie off in the Ù
front--then cut and tie off in back, then the sawing of the Ù
bone--it sure didn't feel like my bone. I was kind of playing Ù
with the toes before they went into a pickling jar. Then after a Ù
while I was shaking them in the jar watching them bounce off one Ù
another. THOSE WERE MY TOES!!! After they cut the bone what a Ù
funny sound the sawing made. They used a small electric saw and Ù
it was done in 30 seconds. How much did my leg weigh without the Ù
toes and how much could I allow when I stood on the scale for the Ù
leg--It weighed 19 pounds--not bad. I could hardly wait to wear Ù
black, sleek nylons--tights or whatever with a high-high super Ù
high heel. It would be only several weeks. In the mean time, it Ù
was off to bed after they sewed up my NEW STUMP-STUMP STUMP-WOW! Ù
I'm an amputee-crip-physically challenged--call it what you want-Ù
but I'm high on my stump!!!



	"My mother and grandma and the maid waited on me hand and foot Ù
(singular!!!) I got medication to relieve the pain which they Ù
tapered off after two weeks and then I went on crutches and Ù
dressing came off and I got to look at my STUMP in the mirror!!!



	"As I went out the downstairs door the first time the doorman Ù
tactfully said--I see you had an accident--hope you feel better Ù
and that was all--but he knew--everybody in the building Ù
knew--but so what--we were very quiet tenants so nobody comÙ
plained.



	"I went for a walk along Fifth Avenue--the sun was shining--and I Ù
was attracting my share of stares and even a few whistles. I was Ù
wearing a micro-mini which showed most of my stump with a small Ù
dressing on the bottom, and one high heel shoe--I wasn't going to Ù
wear 4 inch heels though until I was completely healed.







	---







	"My mother called the car and we went down to a French restaurant Ù
in Soho. It was our first time out all three of us on crutches. Ù
Naturally our family photographer took our picture and we had Ù
quite a crowd of clients all wishing me the best.



	"About two months after my "accident,"  we had a party in the Ù
apartment--My mother and grandma invited some of the young up and Ù
coming attorneys, young execs and I was going to get my own Ù
calendar: I wore a maillot black body suit with black nylons Ù
which showed my new stump so beautifully. I had a nice taper Ù
already. This was my first experience with a four inch heel and Ù
showing off my new stump for the crowd. Some of the guys were Ù
sons and grandsons of the family's earlier clients. We like to Ù
keep things in the family.- I was complimented on my figure which Ù
was newly enhanced with its new asymmetry. I liked swinging my ÙÉnew stump in a different manor than the one long lithe leg which Ù
now walked slightly more under my center point of gravity. I Ù
loved hearing the click of the high-heel with the more solid Ù
thump of the rubber tipped crutches. Click--Thump--Click--Thump.

"I quickly booked up my own five days and was going to live Ù
happily ever after. and at the age of 30-- I would start my own Ù
courtesan family. You see, it was all planned except the proud Ù
pappa, who would probably be one of my five.



	So to all you fellow courtesans in the same situations--keep Ù
those stumps swinging.